I was also that girl once.
Yes, the one that felt a mix of anger, frustration, disappointment, and hopelessness every time another date did not look like his pictures, turned sour, or simply vanished after a great time.
But let me tell you a story.
Once, I agreed to go out with a guy I met on Bumble who seemed a little too interested in my outfits. He was handsome and charming, though, admittedly, a bit intense.
We had just gotten our drinks when he leaned in and said, “I need to tell you something.”
I braced myself for the usual, “I’m not ready for a relationship,” or “I’m still getting over my ex.”
Instead, he hit me with, “I have a girlfriend,” like he was casually reading the specials. Then he quickly added, “But I love women who wear dresses, lipstick, and red nail polish. Like you. My girlfriend is more of a jeans-and-sneakers kind of girl.”
He shrugged, as if this was the most normal thing to say on a first date. “My heart is hers, but I’m also looking for someone like you.”
My first thought was to get up and leave. But then I thought about it, "What if I stay? What can I learn from this absolutely surreal situation? "
So, I took a deep breath and said, “Let me get this straight. You have a girlfriend, but you’re here with me because you like how I dress?!”
He nodded, completely confident in his logic. “Something like that. I love her, but I need… more.”
And that’s how I found myself having one of the strangest conversations of my life.
A few months prior, that would have had me leaving the bar in a haze, mad at him for not telling me earlier, at me for not asking (as if the normal thing is having to ask people on platforms to meet a partner whether they have a partner! ,) and steaming about WTF is it so hard to meet anyone half normal?! I'm CLEARLY doomed to singlehood for eternity.
But I was no longer that girl.
By now, I had already a NATO dating mindset. And that changed everything.
For the better.
If you ever wish you could just relax and date like your emotions weren't tided to the outcome, then you have to buy this book.
But buying it won't be enough. You'll have to read it, too. But you have to buy it first.
And getting back to Bumble Guy. That date taught me a few things:
- First, some people have an incredible talent for justifying the unjustifiable. Breaking news? Not. But still surprising nonetheless.
- Second, no matter how handsome or charming someone is, if his logic is as twisted as a pretzel, they’re not for me.
- And third, but equally important, sometimes staying can be more entertaining than anything Netflix has to offer.
So let me tell you how your mindset can shift, too.
What You'll Learn
- How to set intentions without expectations and stay present on dates.
- The difference between red flags and deal-breakers (and when to walk away).
- Why hope has no place in dating and how it works against you.
- Tools for navigating ghosting, rejection, and dating fatigue like a pro.
- Why dating should feel like a hobby, not a job interview.
- How to transition from casual dating to a committed relationship (if you want to).
- And much more.
Whether you’re newly single, over 40 and fabulous, or just starting out, NATO dating will help you:
- Reframe rejection as redirection.
- Build confidence and trust in yourself.
- Enjoy the process without obsessing over the outcome.
Because dating doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be fun.
So, if you'd like to start enjoying your dates again, get yourself a copy of "There's Always the Breadsticks, NATO Dating or How to Date Without Attaching to the Outcome."
And if you'd like to have a taste of what you have to do to get to that side, sign up below and you'll receive the NATO Dating Manifesto, your very practical guide on how to emotionally detach from the outcome and start enjoying your dates again.
See you on the NATO side!